


Still here

by everdeenwayland



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU where Lance went missing instead of shiro, Angst, Anxiety, Bad Coping Habits, Fluff, I love this two, I wanted to explore that possibility, Jealous Keith (Voltron), Multi, PINING KEITH, Sad, a lot of - Freeform, also lance is my son, because I think that without lance the team will suffer a lot, i'm trash, klangst, lots of tags, spoiler of the last season kind of ???, takes place a year after the last episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 01:38:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11658912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everdeenwayland/pseuds/everdeenwayland
Summary: Every night, I dream you're still here.The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear.When I awake, you'll disappear,Back to the shadowsWith all I hold dear.// Or what would happen if instead of Shiro, Lance was the one that went missing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was inspired by this amazing video of Klance (https://youtu.be/sBJQTKPyIB0), I love it so much so you should see it!  
> Also, english is ot my main language so I apologize in advance for any typos/grammar mistakes, let me know if you saw it so I can correct it and learn more.  
> Hope you like it!

**_Every night, I dream you're still here._ **   
**_The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear._ **   
**_When I awake, you'll disappear,_ **   
**_Back to the shadows_ **   
**_With all I hold dear._ **

_Still Here - Digital daggers_

 

 

 

_Smells blended with each other, making him feel a little dizzy, lights being so bright that he wasn't able to focus on anything. They were on a mission on that planet, looking to form an alliance with them or whatever Allura wanted. Keith was tired, too tired, and he chose to sit down on one of the rocky outcrops that were there, waiting for Shiro. He hoped whatever that Shiro was doing didn't take a lot of time, he wasn't feeling good and the last thing he wanted to do was waiting on a place that exposed him so much. A loud laughter got him out of his thoughts and he turned to look with hartred to the owner of that laugh._

_It was then that he saw him. Smooth skin, dark hair a little longer than the last time he saw him. He was with a group of stranger but to Keith that didn't matter, what was important was that he was there. Alive, laughing. He walked in front of him without seeing him and Keith tried to get up but his legs failed him. Incapable of doing anything, he watch with horror how the boy was getting far way from him with every passing second. Keith rised his hand and tried to scream his name but the only sound that left his mouth was a whisper._

_"Lance"_

_Miraculously, Lance seemed to listen to him and he turned around to look for him. The moment their eyes met, a huge smile spread across Lance's face. The kind of smile that was very familiar to Keith, the kind of smile he have missed so much. Lance ran toward him, while Keith tried to find the strength to stand. Finally, he got it and he was rewarded by the other boy's huge hug._

_"Keith" Lance said, hugging him tightly and putting his head in the hollow of his neck._

_Keith felt tears well up in his eyes and he hugged Lance with the same intensity as him. Hee felt Lance's lips on his cheek, wiping away his tears, and he parted from him to look at his face. The other guy's face was just as beautiful as he remembered, a smile lighting his face. He raised a hand and touched his face, unable to believe he was there, in front of him. Lance closed his eyes, a few tears running down his cheeks._

_"I've missed you, every day. There has not been a single moment when I did not think of you, "Keith said, his voice shaking._

_Lance opened his eyes and looked at him sadly. His hand reached for Keith's and he grabbed him tightly._

_"I've missed you too, you and everyone else. It's been tough, "said Lance, embracing him again. Keith melted at the touch._

_"We're all here, it's going to be little tight on the ship, but we'll fit. I can't wait to see how everyone reacts, I ... "Keith paused to see one of the group with whom Lance was approaching. He couldn't see his face well, but somthing told him it was cold. He stepped up to Lance and put his arm around Lance's shoulders, looking at Keith menacingly. Keith started to pull out his bayard, but Lance's hand stopped him. The alien looked at him scornfully and gave Lance a soft kiss on the cheek._

_"Everything's good?" Said the stranger, still looking at Keith. Lance turned his head to the alien and gave him a kiss on the nose, smiling._

_"Everything's perfect darling, don't worry you know I don't like that look on your face." Lance said and the other man giggled in return to those words._

_Keith stepped back, feeling his heart break into a thousand pieces. His eyes began to cloud with tears and he tried to run, but his legs didn't respond._

_"I can't go back with you Keith. I don't want to go back to you. "Lance said, still with a smile, as if he had said something casual._

_Keith felt the words sink into his chest, and he found it hard to breathe._

_"But ... we miss you Lance, we need you. I need you. "Keith whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. Lance looked at him with an embarrased smile._

_"I don't want to go back, I'm fine here. I'm fine with him, "Lance said, nodding at the boy next to him. "I don't like you anymore, you should have gotten over it, it's been a long time. But I'm glad I saw you. "_

_And with that last sentence, Lance raised his hand as a way of saying goodbye and turned in the opposite direction. Keith tried to catch him, but he was too far away to catch up with him."_

_LANCE" screamed his name, but the other boy didn't seem to listen to him._

_"LANCE DON'T GO, PLEASE RETURN." He cried again with tears in his eyes. He felt his arms being shaked, but the light was too bright to see who was doing it._

"Lance, please." Keith said one last time before waking up with tears in his eyes. He felt a great pain in his chest, as if it was almost impossible to breathe, and, still in the haze of sleep, he began to sob. The arms that shaked him before, embraced him.

"Everything's going to be okay Keith." Shiro said, stroking his back and doing reassuring noises. Keith allowed himself to lose in the pain for a little longer. He didn't have to look up to know that Shiro was looking at him with sadness, in pain. It was the only look he had received from the team since a year ago.

Little by little, his sobs subsided, until he didn't feel pain anymore, until he felt nothing. It was the inevitable routine in which he had fallen: tears came out until his body felt tired enough to stop feeling. He lifted his head to look at Shiro, who was sitting next to him looking at him with concern. It was then that he realized that he was still in bed. Shiro noted that Keith was beginning to come to himself, and turned away from him, aware of how little the boy liked physical contact. Although, at times like this, Keith appreciated the support provided by Shiro.

"You should dress, Allura wants to talk to us," Shiro said with a strange look on his face. Keith looked at him, narrowing his eyes, suspecting just what Allura wanted from them. Shiro stared at him impassively.

"I don't know if I want to hear what she has to say," Keith said, staring at Shiro.

"It's important, Keith, it's kind of painful for everyone but it's necessary," Shiro told him, trying to get him to reason.

Keith tried to contain his anger. He knew how it was for all, how they had collapsed, how all the team exercises failed. He knew what everyone thought, even how guilty Shiro felt. He knew guilt sometimes wouldn't let him sleep. He knew that Pidge and Hunk now and then slept in Lance's room, as they did before when he was with them, and they watched videos of the chambers of the castle where Lance appeared. He knew Allura couldn'tt stop crying when she saw the four of them in the first few months after Lance went missing. He knew that Coran spent hours checking the radio for signs of him. 

Keith knew all that.

What they didn't know was how it was for him. What it was like to lose everything in seconds, how it felt to touch everything he had always wanted for a briefly moments and then to see it disappear.

He also knew that it was selfish to think that way, that it was just as hard for everyone. But he could not stop the irremediable thought that told him that at least they had been able to enjoy Lance in all his splendor, while he had been anchored in the stupid rivalry between them, too obsessed with the things that separated them to see everything Which united them.

He would gladly have slipped back into bed, covering up, trying to drown the thoughts that told him it was all his fault, but he knew Shiro wasn't going to let him. With a sigh, he got to his feet and took the nearest T-shirt he saw. The sooner he finished with that, the sooner he could go back to his bed or the training deck. Shiro came out of the room to give him some privacy, but he didn't go far from there, since when Keith came out he was leaning in front of his door, looking thoughtful.

Keith cleared his throat, to make himself notice, and Shiro looked up as if he didn't know where he was for a few seconds. Keith shook his head to tell them to start walking. Shiro seemed to want to tell him something but he didn't decide to do it.

"Whatever it is, tell me now," Keith said without looking at Shiro, tired of his sighs. Shiro seemed to hesitate a few more seconds, but at last he decided to start talking.

"Before we enter the room, I want you to promise me something Keith," he began. Keith looked at him, more interested than before, and nodded. Shiro sighed again.

"And I want you to promise me that." He paused for a second before continuing. "Whatever Allura says, you won't snap. You have to promise me that, Keith. This whole situation is tough enough for you to act as if no one cares. "

Keith took a deep breath, assuming what Allura was going to say to them. The very thought of it made his head spin and his blood boil. No matter how much he denied it, he understood it at heart. It had been a year after all, and he hasn't appeared. But that didn't make it any less difficult.

"I can't promise you I won't do it, I'll just try," Keith said between his teeth. Shiro sighed again and put his arm on his shoulder, a gesture so parental that almost made Keith feel bad for disappointing him. Almost.

"It's not what I wanted to hear, but it's enough for now. Try not to be hard on her, please. "Shiro concluded.

Just then, they had reached the meeting room. There they were all already, it seemed that the only one who was late was him and that they had to send Shiro to go for him. He felt everyone's eyes on him, but they did not ask for his red eyes so Keith simply ignored their worried looks. Allura looked at him, wanting to ask him, but Shiro put his hand on her arm and she refrained.

Allura cleared her throat, and all of their attention returned to her.

"I suppose you'll all suspect why this meeting," She began. Keith looked away from her, finding the ground suddenly much interesting than her face.

"Today, a year ago, was the battle against Zarkon. A year ago, Lance sacrificed himself for us. "The princess started to tearing up, pausing a moment to take a breath and settle down. "Shiro and I have been talking and we have come to a conclusion. Voltron is still needed in the universe, to restore the peace that had once been, so I have decided that I will pilot the Blue Lion. "

Keith gasped, his attention again centered on Allura again. It was one thing for them to give up the search for Lance, which he had suspected for some time, since Pidge had failed to give details of it, and another to act as if nothing had happened. His eyes were open with horror and he felt the look of Shiro burning, but at that moment could only look at Allura. The princess avoided his gaze, looking down, as if she was embarrassed. Despite feeling the anger begin to fill him, he gritted his teeth and tried to calm down, he had promised that to Shiro after all.

"And what we will do when does Lance come back?" Said a faint voice from across the room. As blind as he was in his own anger, Keith had not bothered to look at the reaction of his companions and what he saw made the anger become a deep sadness. Hunk, who was the one who had asked, had tears in his eyes and was squeezing something in his hands.

Keith turned again to look at Allura, to see how she was swallowing hard before speaking again.

"When Lance comes back, he'll be the blue paladin again," she said, trying to sound confident.

Keith almost wanted to laugh at it, after all it was she who had stopped looking for him. How Lance was about to return if no one was looking for him, as far as Allura was concerned, Lance might be rotting on an unknown planet as long as they had Voltron. However, Hunk nodded and though, he didn't seem very pleased with the news, he didn't say anything else.

"If he returns, because to who knows how he is going to get back here when you have stopped looking for him. When you have considered him dead already. "Keith said with palpable hatred in his voice.

Shiro, Pidge, and Allura looked at each other in surprise and guilt was reflected in their faces. Hunk looked surprised at this, and Keith mourned that he had said it out loud.

"Is that true?" Hunk asked, looking at them in horror.

Shiro approached him, but Hunk stepped back trying to dodge him.

"Answer me Shiro," he said simply.

"That's true, Hunk, but it does not mean we've given up, it's just that right now there are people who need us more ..." Said Shiro trying to put the tone he used to calm Keith when he had nightmares.

Hunk began to cry and they all felt awful. 

"More than Lance? Impossible, he's out there just lost ... "He paused as he realized what Shiro had really meant. "You ... You think he's dead, don't you?"

Allura and Pidge looked down but Shiro continued to stare at Hunk even though Keith knew him well enough to know how bad was he feeling with it. 

"It's not that we think that Hunk but ... there's a good chance that after so long without communication, he really is ..."

"Do not say that," Keith jumped, interrupting him. "Lance is out there but you do not want to see it."

And after saying that, Keith fled the room, slamming the door shut.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith sat there. On Lance's favorite room. It was a small room, nothing special, the only thing that made it different from the rest, was that it had a huge window where you could see the space. At first, Keith didn't understand the reason why was this Lance's favorite place. He put his hand on the floor next to him, the place that had always been reserved for the other boy, was now empty. He looked into space, almost expecting that when he turned his head, Lance was looking at him again, but when he looked, all he saw was an empty room.

_"Keith," a voice said softly to his side._

_Keith turned to look at the other boy, feeling his heart racing. Lance was there, looking at him with an indecipherable smile. Keith fought the need to kiss him just then, since, as much as he wanted to, he knew Lance would never have to._

_"Tell me," Keith said, looking away, trying to hide his feelings toward the other boy._

_He listened as the other boy inhaled._

_"I need you to help me with one thing," Lance said, his voice shaking. Keith looked at him again, this time, slightly surprised._

_"Hm, of course Lance, whatever you need," the boy replied. Lance, who at that moment seemed to avoid the look of the other, looked down at his hands, finding them suddenly interesting._

_"I need you to give me advice on a subject."_

_"Whatever, though perhaps for that Hunk would serve you more than I do."_

_Lance swallowed slightly before answering._

_"I've already asked him, and I wanted to know more opinions, you know, to contrast and all of that."_

_Keith nodded and looked at him curiously. Lance swallowed again before speaking, this time with more force._

_"It's about a person, you know, that I like." Lance began, and Keith felt his heart shrink. "We didn't start well, but lately I feel like we're starting to connect and I do not know if I'm misunderstanding things"_

_Keith went blank with this. There were seven people on that ship, and of course Hunk and he didnt fit into people who Lance might like, since he was asking him for his opinion about that. He swallowed hard, trying to ignore the weight he felt on his chest. It was one thing to know that Lance never would like him, but it was quite another to know that Lance's feelings were directed toward another person. Keith didn't want to imagine what would happen if the other person liked Lance too. He clenched his jaw.  
_

_Keith?" Lance asked, afraid and Keith realized that he had been too deep in thought._

_"That person is Allura isnt it?" Keith asked, not wanting to know the answer to that._

_Lance looked at him with a strange look but shook his head, smiling slightly._

_“No, it' isn't. My crush slash obsession with her ended long ago, we are now friends and I’m happy with the way it’s now.” Lance said, and he seemed relieved._

_Keith frowned. If it wasn't her, who would it be? He doubted it was Coran and Pidge ... He knew Lance saw them as a family more than anything else. And then he realized who Lance was referring to all this time._

_Shiro._

_How could he not be referring to him? He knew Lance had been talking to him a lot lately and they had been making lots of plans together. Keith had been a fool, he had talked to Shiro lately about his feelings towards Lance without thinking that maybe confessing that might affect Shir's relationship with the other boy. Keith knew Shiro was very fond of Lance, like the rest of the paladins, but perhaps he appreciated him differently. Maybe he didn't want to make his feelings obvious, knowing how Keith felt about the other boy. Keith couldn't blame him, Lance was an incredible person._

_"I didn't know you liked boys too" Keith said, trying to avoid talking about Shiro directly. The knot in his throat becoming more present. Lance looked at him with concern in his eyes._

_"I like everything." Lance let out a small laugh. "Would you have treated me differently if you had known?"_

_Keith looked at Lance, surprised at the words. What kind of person Lance thought Keith was? Everyone on that ship knew that Keith was gay, so did Lance expect Keith to have chased him like an animal in heat or something?_

_"Of course not, we're friends after all, that does not change anything," Keith said, swallowing hard and watching Lance deflate a bit. The word friends left a bitter taste on his mouth._

_"Do you know who it is?" Lance asked, sounding unsafe again._

_Keith let out a sigh and nodded. At that reaction, Lance looked down again, and his posture changed entirely. It seemed that he was going to say something, but before he said anything Keith began to speak._

_"Look, I can not give you a clear answer since I have not talked to him, but I know Shiro is also attracted to everyone. I do not want to assure you anything, but I think you could have a chance with him, he really appreciates you, "Keith said coldly, clenching his fists._

_Lance looked at him, putting his face on his knees._

_"Keith ... do you like Shiro?" Lance asked, sadness in his voice. Keith looked at him in surprise at the question._

_"Of course not, it's like he's my brother, besides he's not the person I like." Keith said, muttering the last to himself. Lance raised his eyebrows in disbelief._

_"Then why do you seem so angry with what you told me?" Lance said, lowering his head. "I would understand that you liked Shiro, he's all anyone would want for a couple. And everyone knows you guys are very close."_

_Keith didn't overlook the self depricating tone that Lance used when he said those words and he couldn't understand what was going on. His heart was beating so fast, he felt as if were about to leave his chest and he decided to take the opportunity to be honest with his feelings.  
_

_"Not for me, Lance ... I don't like Shiro, I like you."_

 

At that moment, the observatory door opened, drawing Keith from his memories. The dark haired boy knew who was there without having to turn around.

"Shiro I would like to be alone," Keith said tiredly. The other person advanced to where he was, sitting beside him.

"I'll tell him that." Hunk said sitting down next to him, Keith looked at him in surprise but made no comment about it. His gaze still fixed on the other boy, Keith raised an eyebrow, inviting him to tell him what he wanted to say. Hunk held his gaze for a few seconds and sighed.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened before." Hunk said. "Look, I'll get to the point. I've been talking to Allura and Shiro, and I want you to know that although I understand the decision they have made, I do not agree with that. "

He paused for a second, trying to hold back the tears.

"Lance ... Lance was, is, my best friend, he is like my brother, and to think that he is out there alone, that he had been that way for a year, is unbearable. And I know he was very important to you, too. "

Keith looked at him, feeling the weight of the last words on him. He swallowed hard and lifted his hand to twist the hair out of his eyes.

"Hunk ... I ..." Keith started, but Hunk interrupted him with a smile that contrasted with his watery eyes.

"I know Keith, Lance told me." Hunk said, and Keith collapsed.

"All of this is being very hard for me, Hunk, I miss him so much." He began to say between sobs. "I'm beginning to forget the sound of his voice."

Hunk closed his eyes and put his hand on Keith's shoulder, trying to give him support as Keith ventured into tears. After a while, Keith wiped the tears with the back of his hand and Hunk cleared his throat.

"There's one more thing Keith I hasn't told you." The boy looked up at Hunk, who seemed visibly nervous.

"We've started trying to find a new paladin for the blue lion. All of us have taken turns trying, but so far she has not reacted with any of us. And, they wondered if maybe you could try, when you feel comfortable, of course, we don't want you to feel pressured. "

Keith looked at him in disbelief.

"After what you told me, do you agree to replace Lance?" Keith said, the anger reflecting in his features.

"That's not Keith, but I have the feeling that if you get to pilot Blue, she could help you find him. Since he left she has remained silent, the rest of lions are worried about her. "Hunk said looking down.

"Look Keith, I'll be totally honest with you. I want Lance back as much as you do, and if finding him means that you're going to be the new blue paladin, I'll do my best to make that happen. Lance and you had a special connection and maybe Blue feels that ... I don't know Keith, I'm willing to try, are you? "

 

Hours later, Keith was in the hangar where the lions were. He drew a sharp breath, approaching the door to Blue, that lion he hadn't seen for so long. He felt as Red tried to tell him something from the depths of his mind, but the boy ignored her, going into the room. The lights went on the moment he stepped inside.  
There was Blue, imposing, as always. For a moment, Keith felt as if the lioness was about to hurl himself at him, but he guessed it would only be nerves. He approached her carefully, despite being described as the most open to new paladins, he felt bad vibrations coming from her. When he was close enough to her, he put his hand on her paw.

"Hmm, I guess I'm not the only one who has come here in the last few days huh?" Keith said, trying to get her head down to get inside her. When she least expected er to answer, Keith felt a presence in his head, unlike Red's. Keith gasped.

"I know you miss him, we all do, that's why I'm here. To get him back" said Keith, more convinced this time that she was paying attention to him. Blue let out a small roar and lowered her head, opening her mouth, inviting him inside. Keith took a deep breath and stepped inside. What he saw left him speechless.

 

_Lance. Lance was sitting there casually, his long legs leaning against the controls, and his head resting on one of his hands. Keith felt his heart ache at that sight. He tried to move, but a roar in his head warned him that he could not. He clenched his fists. He knew that this was surely a vision, but having Lance so close to him made him feel inexplicable._

_Suddenly Lance let out a sigh, looking sad. Keith had to clench his jaw to restrain himself from saying something, to try to remove the sadness from Lance's face, because he knew it would hurt more to see that Lance didn't see him. He preferred to pretend that Lance was there, and that he simply hadn't noticed his presence._

_"Blue, I do not know what to do with him." Lance said, jerking his head back with another sigh. Keith felt as the Blue from the vision asked Lance for that phrase without words.  
"I know he does not want anything to do with me, he probably hates me because I'm so good at dealing with my crushes." The last sentence distilling sarcasm. "But as much as I repeat it, I can not get it out of my head."_

_Keith's heart began to pound in his chest.  
_

_"Damm Keith, when I thought I had overcome my crush on him when we were in the Garrison he has to come and make me feel everything again."_

_Keith's eyes widened in surprise at the latter, when Lance had told him that he had been liking him for a while, he hadn't expected it to be so long. He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stop the tears running down his cheeks._

_Then he looked at him and his gaze pierced him. Keith closed his eyes, unable to keep seeing that scene. Then everything changed again. He saw himself on the communicator's screen and Lance looking at him with a longing expression. Everything changed again, this time Lance was crying and Keith could feel his sadness through Blue. The different scenes began to swirl before his eyes, feelings overwhealming him. Happiness, sadness, jealousy, desire, hope, affection, firmness, doubt, and much pain._

When it all stopped, Keith found himself trembling, with dry tears on his cheeks. He didn't understand why Blue had tortured him that way knowing what his feelings were toward the other boy.

Blue made a soft roar, and it filled him with a sense of calm. Almost as if someone were embracing him, as if Lance was embracing him and whispering words in his ear. Keith blinked a couple of times, and went to the chair where all the controls were, determined. He sat down, adjusting the chair to his height and touching the controls.

"Alright, let's find Lance" Said Keith, with a broken smile. Blue roared at those words.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for making it seems like Shiro and Allura are the bad guys, this is pretty Keith centric so that what the grief makes him think, I hope I didn't make them too ooc.


End file.
